#24 - When a player isn't thriving with a coach S2.6

As a parent we can rush to protective mode, but can we get curious first?

Asking our athletes questions to help them self-reflect.

1. What is the coaching looking for from you? Skill or effort wise?
2. Are you clear where  you might not be meeting expectations?
3. Are there things the coach has communicated that you are working on? And if not can you approach the coach to ask?
4. Where did you show up in support of your teammate? 
5. What was the play that you did that allowed your teammate to be successful?

Michelle and Sara also discuss how coaches can have a bias? Sometimes positive and sometimes in ways that don’t support the athlete. When athletes take responsibility for their growth, it can help address these and help the coach become aware where they may be unintentionally missing in how to create a supportive environment that fits this athletes needs.

Confidence is a skill that comes from within. Having courage to try and make mistakes in order to learn while feeling support. What happens when a player is feeling that “the coach doesn’t like me!” Girls often look for the support externally first instead of internally and dwell on mistakes. Michelle recommends this book on confidence - The Confidence Code by Katty Kay 

Be willing to make mistakes and grow from there. It is okay to be a beginner! And not everyone is the best player on the team, every role is important. Be the best you that you can be. Understand that there is strategy that you not playing may not be about you at all, more about team flow or someone else having a great game.

Socializing that failure as the place you need to go if you want to improve. Staying safe and not making mistakes will not lead you to grow. Also “saying I’m no good” is an excuse to not be vulnerable, or to be willing to try and maybe get it wrong. Be a problem solved instead of attention seeker.

Top 3 Take Aways

1. Athletes - be solution focused! Approach your coach with curiosity and ask “What do I need to work on?” Watch game tape and find wins to celebrate but also something specific you can work on. If you don’t know - ASK!
2. Have self-compassion. Be kind and forgiving (like you would be with a friend). Having courage to develop confidence requires that you give yourself a chance. 
3. Use the tool of Self- reflection. Review game tape with a mission to find your successes and also pick one thing to work on from a positive light. Not "I wasn't good at that” but what was I missing to allow me to succeed?

Before believing that you aren’t good enough, ask is that true? (From Byron Katie https://thework.com/2017/10/four-liberating-questions/)

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Visit ⁠www.skool.com/unstoppable2026⁠ to join our community, watch the Parent Intro Video, join a workshop or have your athlete on our waitlist for upcoming Unstoppable Athlete Program offerings.